Happy Holidays, A-holes!

Ah, it’s the holiday season — that magical time of the year when you wanna sip hot cocoa by the fire and shove people outta the way for a deal on a flat-screened t.v.  Cause let’s be real, y’all.  December tends to turn the very best of us into giant assholes.

Every year I tell myself I’m not gonna get swept up into all the hoopla of running here, there and everywhere like a chicken with my head cut off, and every year I end up doing just that very thing.  I always seem to forget about ten or so people who should’ve been on my gift list and end up rushing out last minute.  To spend more money.  That I don’t have.  On crap that people probably don’t even need.

And going out in public to fight the crowds does nothing but make me grumpy.  Seriously, people are downright RUDE out there and have no problem cutting in front of you in line.  Never mind the fact that you’ve been standing there a solid ten minutes more than they have.  And the cashiers that I’ve encountered all appear to want to slit my throat for having the nerve to pick their register.  How dare I!!!

And don’t even get me started on the parking lot at the mall.  That is like a cage fight waiting to happen.  If you even THINK you see a spot opening up, well, you better flip your turn signal on and be ready to gun it cause you can bet your ass that someone is hot on your heels to steal it.  I have actually witnessed two people duking it out over a stupid measly parking space in the month of December.  All that pent up stress and frustration just boiled right over into an adult-sized tantrum.

And the question I find myself asking year after year is WHY???!!!  Why the hell do we do this to ourselves?  Why do we have all these unnecessary expectations of creating the perfect Hallmark holiday?  (Is there even such a thing?  Cause I really don’t think that there is.)  Why don’t we take a minute, or heck, even five minutes, to sit back and soak in the awesomeness of it all?  Who cares if the garland isn’t hung perfectly or the tree is a little crooked?  The gifts and the decorations aren’t what it’s all about anyway.  So I’m gonna try my darnedest not to let the craziness of the season get the best of me this year. Even if it kills me.  Who’s with me????

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8 Responses to Happy Holidays, A-holes!

  1. I am with you sister! I have vowed to not shop on the weekends this year. I made the mistake of going into a store the weekend after Halloween and I wanted to stab someone. No more. Only the weekdays for me. And this year, we are doing the fun stuff we want to, not the stuff we feel like we have to do.

  2. Michele says:

    That’s why Halloween is my choice holiday!

  3. I learned what I call “The Quicksand Method” during a Macy’s One Day Sale the week before Christmas in Manhattan. I went in thinking that there was NO WAY it WASN’T going to suck. So I decided to take a mentally different route. The theory is, if you ever find yourself in quicksand, you are supposed to relax your body and you’ll float to the top. If you struggle, you’re gonna drown. Keeping in mind I have no way of knowing if this is actually true, I can tell you it works wonders in overcrowded department stores. I speak only in kindness and smiles, and even the most frazzled cashier is usually crying with relief and tells me their nightmare stories (one guy actually got kicked in the shins by some kid, just out of the blue, and the parents just laughed it off.). If you can’t Be The Reason For The Season, then you have no business being out in public. Sure you move a little slower than usual, but there’s no need to buy into the “stress of the season” drivel. There’s more to do, for sure, but it’s the same time every year, so we have no one to blame but ourselves. We wouldn’t accept that crap in our kids, so why are we exempt?

    • nuckingfutsmama says:

      I love love love that philosophy! I’m totally gonna use it in all walks of life, like the carpool lane at school for instance….. Happy holidays to you & yours! 🙂

  4. Two words – online shopping.
    And then your internet connection dies and you become equally frustrated …

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