** Inspirational quotes do nothing but piss me off when I’m in a crabby mood.
** The Olympics have evidently convinced my kids that there’s a vault in our second floor hallway. (And I assure you there is not.)
** My brain has a serious case of the farts lately.
** The top of the dog crate has become quite a popular storage shelf.
** Planning a party at your house is a good motivator to organize all your piles of shit.
** Apparently, nobody’s gonna tell ya when you’ve got raspberry seeds in your teeth.
** It’s really just not even worth asking “Why?” anymore.
** Dealing with an automated phone system is like having a monkey give you directions.
** It’s a tiny bit awkward when your kid pulls out a set of toy handcuffs when you have company over.
** Ethiopian food is super yummy (even Goatdog digs it!)
** My mom was right — nothing good ever happens past midnight.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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