** If a black cat runs in front of you, just pretend like it didn’t.
** Kids ask why even when they don’t give a rat’s ass about the answer.
** You know times are tough when Dee Snider is doing commercials for Stanley Steemer.
** Listening to a group of third graders talk with phony British accents is not at all annoying.
** Contrary to some people’s beliefs, the alley behind my house is NOT the Autobahn.
** Tom Cruise in “Rock of Ages” is like a dead fly in your soup.
** I could be a professional procrastinator.
** Feeding dinner to five crazy rugrats is wilder than Bourbon Street on Fat Tuesday.
** I’d bet money that there’s a squirrel mafia in my neighborhood.
** People who think they wrote the book on parenting are most likely oblivious to the fact that their kids are complete assholes.
** School cannot seriously be out for the summer in just two weeks, CAN IT??!!
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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