** If you’re a complete and total bitch, you should probably think twice about being a customer service rep. Just sayin’.
** Motherhood is totally interfering with my “Fifty Shades of Grey” reading.
** I really don’t remember sending out the Evite for the ant party in my kitchen.
** If I had a penis, the penis enlargement emails I keep getting would make a whole lot more sense.
** There is absolutely nothing positive about the school clocks being five minutes faster than the ones in my house.
** Every time I think it’s gonna be a “No Wine Night“, I remember that I have children.
** Sleeping should really be higher up on my to-do list.
** Sometimes, you really do just have to say, “WTF?!!!”
** Contrary to popular belief, the floor of my house is NOT a dumping ground.
** “I think I can, I think I can” desperately needs to become my daily mantra once again.
** It’s perfectly normal to wanna leave your kids on a street corner. In another country. Is it not?
** You know it’s Friday the 13th when your dog lifts his leg to pee on a lamp post and, instead, shits all down the post with his leg STILL raised.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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