Things I’ve Learned This Week


** It honestly wouldn’t surprise me if I pulled a piece of Easter grass out of my ass at this point since that crap seems to be EVERYWHERE!!!!

** If you’re a complete and total bitch, you should probably think twice about being a customer service rep.  Just sayin’.

** Motherhood is totally interfering with my “Fifty Shades of Grey” reading.

** I really don’t remember sending out the Evite for the ant party in my kitchen.

** If I had a penis, the penis enlargement emails I keep getting would make a whole lot more sense.

** There is absolutely nothing positive about the school clocks being five minutes faster than the ones in my house.

** Every time I think it’s gonna be a “No Wine Night“, I remember that I have children.

** Sleeping should really be higher up on my to-do list.

** Sometimes, you really do just have to say, “WTF?!!!”

** Contrary to popular belief, the floor of my house is NOT a dumping ground.

** “I think I can, I think I can” desperately needs to become my daily mantra once again.

** It’s perfectly normal to wanna leave your kids on a street corner. In another country. Is it not?

** You know it’s Friday the 13th when your dog lifts his leg to pee on a lamp post and, instead, shits all down the post with his leg STILL raised.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

<< WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK???? >>

 

 

 

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One Response to Things I’ve Learned This Week

  1. My ants must have received the same mysterious evite as well.

    I learned that people who really need to change, rarely do, which in turn, makes me want to change everything from my address to my DNA, ANYTHING, just so I can avoid their nonsense.

    Now where’s the wine already?!

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