As a parent, I’m trying REALLY hard to hold onto the whole believing in the Tooth Fairy thing for as long as is humanly possible. So when a kid’s tooth falls out in this house? Well, I wanna be on top of that shit like white on rice. Unfortunately, however, I’m not always totally prepared for the curve balls that motherhood sometimes throws my way.
Take, for instance, my daughter’s wiggly tooth that decided to exit her mouth at approximately 9:45 PM this past Sunday evening. We had just returned from our Spring Break vacation and were knee deep in dirty laundry and jet lag. And naturally, there wasn’t a single freaking dollar bill to be found anywhere on the premises, which created quite the pickle for the ridiculously exhausted Tooth Fairy.
I somehow convinced my husband to drag his overtired ass out to the ATM machine, followed by the 7-Eleven to get some change (cause there was no way in HELL the kid was getting a $20 bill for one measly tooth!) Unfortunately, when my hubby returned home, I had to inform him that our very excited daughter was nowhere near Dreamland. We would have to wait it out before we could conduct any type of “magical” transaction. And would you believe that we had to wait until after midnight to make the old switcheroo??!! Ugh.
So the plan was for me to sneak into her bedroom to trade the money for the tooth while my husband guided her to the bathroom for one last pee of the night. Unfortunately, however, I was not expecting to find a “fill-in-the-blank” note with the little chomper that required immediate action on my part. It read, “What is your name?” and had a crayon-drawn line for the fairy to respond. (Did I mention that I’m not always the best when put on the spot?)
For God knows what reason, the only thing I could think of in the heat of the moment was “Wanda“. (I know, WTF?, right?!) And before I could sneak the note back under my daughter’s pillow, my husband was already guiding her back to her bedroom. Crap! Now what were we supposed to do??!! So we did the only thing we really could do, which was to wait up even longer to ensure that she was truly back to sleep again. It was well after 1:00 AM before we got that effing note tucked back under her stubborn little noggin!
Thank the lord, we were able to keep the dream alive for the meantime, but man, I wish I could think more creatively on my feet. That whole scenario has totally messed with my head! Now I can’t help but picture the Tooth Fairy as a constipated Jamie Lee Curtis who eats Activia by the case full…..