A Tooth Fairy Called Wanda


As a parent, I’m trying REALLY hard to hold onto the whole believing in the Tooth Fairy thing for as long as is humanly possible.  So when a kid’s tooth falls out in this house?  Well, I wanna be on top of that shit like white on rice.  Unfortunately, however, I’m not always totally prepared for the curve balls that motherhood sometimes throws my way.

Take, for instance, my daughter’s wiggly tooth that decided to exit her mouth at approximately 9:45 PM this past Sunday evening.  We had just returned from our Spring Break vacation and were knee deep in dirty laundry and jet lag.  And naturally, there wasn’t a single freaking dollar bill to be found anywhere on the premises, which created quite the pickle for the ridiculously exhausted Tooth Fairy.

I somehow convinced my husband to drag his overtired ass out to the ATM machine, followed by the 7-Eleven to get some change (cause there was no way in HELL the kid was getting a $20 bill for one measly tooth!)  Unfortunately, when my hubby returned home, I had to inform him that our very excited daughter was nowhere near Dreamland.  We would have to wait it out before we could conduct any type of “magical” transaction.  And would you believe that we had to wait until after midnight to make the old switcheroo??!!  Ugh.

So the plan was for me to sneak into her bedroom to trade the money for the tooth while my husband guided her to the bathroom for one last pee of the night.  Unfortunately, however, I was not expecting to find a “fill-in-the-blank” note with the little chomper that required immediate action on my part.  It read, “What is your name?” and had a crayon-drawn line for the fairy to respond.  (Did I mention that I’m not always the best when put on the spot?)

For God knows what reason, the only thing I could think of in the heat of the moment was “Wanda“.  (I know, WTF?, right?!)  And before I could sneak the note back under my daughter’s pillow, my husband was already guiding her back to her bedroom.  Crap!  Now what were we supposed to do??!!  So we did the only thing we really could do, which was to wait up even longer to ensure that she was truly back to sleep again.  It was well after 1:00 AM before we got that effing note tucked back under her stubborn little noggin!

Thank the lord, we were able to keep the dream alive for the meantime, but man, I wish I could think more creatively on my feet.  That whole scenario has totally messed with my head!  Now I can’t help but picture the Tooth Fairy as a constipated Jamie Lee Curtis who eats Activia by the case full…..

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9 Responses to A Tooth Fairy Called Wanda

  1. Dolli says:

    I am with you…I am soooo ready for the whole tooth fairy-Easter bunny-Santa thing to be over. Now mind you, for me I had passed this stage in life up until 6 years ago when I acquired 3 step-daughters, 2 of which were 2 and 3 years old at the time. I worry about slipping up, and did a little this Christmas…I spelled one step-daughter’s name wrong. Now in my defense, it was 2:00 am when hubby decided I needed to write a little note to the girls from Santa. This was following 3 church services, which started at with music practice at 5:30 and ended with us getting home after midnight. Am I a bad parent if I just wish some bratty kid would spill the beans to our daughters on the playground?

    • nuckingfutsmama says:

      Ha ha! No, I don’t think you’re a bad parent. I just think you’ve been there, done that already & it’s hard to start it all over once again. It’s hard not to slip up!

  2. Jenn says:

    Good Lord… my son knocked his first tooth out when he was 14 months-old, and he was too young to even know the concept of “tooth fairy.” But now he’s got his first REAL loose tooth, and I’m a tad worried about all the questions he’ll have about what the tooth fairy brought him when his first tooth got came out all those years ago, and why Mommy and Daddy didn’t let him keep said gift. I suppose we could always just pick some random toy in his room and say, “Look! THIS came from the tooth fairy! You were a baby, so she gave you a TOY!” but that kid has a mind like a steel trap, and he’ll just counter with… “No, you gave that to me for my birthday when I was three.”

    Ummm…. he does have a little wallet with a dollar in it…maybe I’ll say that dollar was from the tooth fairy, and we put it in his wallet all those years ago so he wouldn’t lose it. Of course there’s always the probability that he’ll remember me buying him the wallet two summers ago at a yard sale and giving him a dollar to stick in it, saying “This will get you started.”

    Shit. This is going to be harder than I thought.

    Thanks for the warning…now I know what’s coming!

  3. Stacy says:

    HA! this is hilarious… only b/c i’ve SOOO been there.. My oldest is 8.. last tooth he lost was probably 8 mths ago but that one was a close one. he’s a pretty decent sleeper but both boys sleep w/their doors closed & so when you open it it’s like a LIGHT goes off .. ugh… So hubby took the duty and waited for the air to kick on :) then snuck in & shut the door.. hid on the floor as the boy moved around like crazy! waited… put the $$ on his nightstand which is where we told him to leave his tooth b/c man what if it gets lost in that big bed?? then waited for air to kick back on to exit.. 8yr old is super smart i don’t think we have much time left on these awesome tales we tell but i love it….

  4. I don’t know, viewing from this side of the Internet, I think you were pretty creative and quick-thinking.

  5. Sara Broers says:

    Now that, my friend- IS FUNNY!

  6. Marta says:

    Wanda is an awesome name for the tooth fairy. You should start a tooth dairy named Wanda revolution.

  7. Jennifer says:

    OMG hilarious!!! Mine are 1 and 3, so we’re no where near the end, but I have to say – it can’t come fast enough. I mean, it’s fun and all for the first five years I guess, but I can see it easily loosing it’s mystery (and by losing it’s mystery, I mean, me slipping up).

    Good for you and your hubby for keeping it going so long! I’m a new follower – love your blog so far and can’t wait to read more.

    Is the Easter bunny doing anything exciting other than hiding eggs and baskets at your house this year??? :)

    • nuckingfutsmama says:

      Yay! Welcome! Always glad to have a new reader! As for the Easter Bunny, we are so completely disorganized this year that nothing special is really planned. One thing he will for sure be doing is counting the number of eggs he hides — he learned the importance of that the hard way a couple of years ago….. ;-)

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