The Night Our Bed Collapsed

I honestly don’t know why, but weird, stupid happenings seem to follow me around like a really bad habit.  Yet another case in point?  Our freaking bed fell completely apart on Sunday night.  And I swear to Rod Serling that we weren’t even having sex!  The damn thing just decided to up and dismantle itself at approximately 11:30 PM for no particular reason whatsoever.  Can you say, “F-R-E-A-K-Y“??!!

And to truly give you a clear picture of just what kind of bed we’re talking about here, I feel like I need to elaborate a bit about its size.  This thing is a serious MONSTROSITY, people.  It is SO big, in fact, that I had to buy a foot stool specifically for the purpose of hoisting myself into my rightful spot each night.  Our kids literally have to take a running long jump-style leap to even think about snuggling up with us in there.  And what’s more bizarre is that we’ve owned this bed for nearly six years now and have never even had one iota of a problem.

So I’d just dozed off to sleep Sunday night after reading my one measly sentence for the night in my book, while my husband was rolling over to turn out the bedside lamp.  And just when his body leaned left, the entire side of the bed decided to disconnect itself from the frame.  A whole lot of “Holy shit!“‘s and “WTF?‘s” shook me from my slumber to find that the bed was sinking faster than the Titanic.

In a panic, I tried to extract myself from the wreckage, only to find that any little bit of movement caused yet another part of the bed to collapse.  The headboard smashed against the wall, the footboard slammed into the floor, and the bed rails clanged together so loudly that my heart nearly burst through my chest.  Screws were flying across every angle of the room as we scrambled to get a grip on just what the hell was happening in our master bedroom.

When it was all said and done, my husband and I just stood there staring at the ruins in complete and utter disbelief.  Poor Goatdog had practically shit himself in all the hoopla and refused to even step foot back in the room.  The only explanation I can come up with to explain the bizarre turn of events is that we do, indeed, have a ghost.  And I’m starting to wonder if it’s a not-so-friendly ghost.  Where’s that little Poltergeist lady when you need her????!!!!

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11 Responses to The Night Our Bed Collapsed

  1. MamaBennie says:

    geez, first that big ass mirror and now the bed. You have got some weird shit happening in that place.

  2. Danny Jasso says:


  3. Jen says:

    I…sorry…I laughed pretty hard here. Um? Going bed shopping this weekend?

  4. Brett Minor says:

    I pranked someone once by breaking into their house and dismantling their bed to the point that it would disintegrate when they got into it.

    Have you made any recent enemies?

  5. Pinky says:

    I swear, you are my best laugh all week. I AM sorry for your mess but your writing CRACKS ME UP!!!! XO, Pinky

    • nuckingfutsmama says:

      And you just totally made my night, girlfriend! Always happy to hear someone got a giggle out of my crazy ramblings! xo 🙂

  6. Chelsi says:

    This has happened to us twice. Neither time we were getting jiggy and both times it wa

  7. Chelsi says:

    This has happened to us twice. Neither timed we were getting jiggy and both times it was ME who caused the collapse. It is pretty hilarious and we regularly have people ask us if we have been “breaking the bed” lately. Woooooie!

  8. Liz says:

    This is my first time commenting but just had to say that you are hysterical !
    Love reading your posts.
    Thanks for the laugh 🙂

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