Things I’ve Learned This Week

** A lovely Valentine’s morning can quickly turn to a red and pink poop storm when you’re a parent.

** If the smell of your own morning breath is making you gag, you know it’s time to brush those pearly whites.

** I always seem to park in the spot where some lazy jackhole has left his unreturned shopping cart.

** Cookie bouquets are the bomb diggity!!!

** A life without good friends is like a cheeseburger without cheese.

** If you keep calling your dog over and over and he doesn’t respond, it might be because you’re calling him your son’s name.

** Whitney Houston’s “greatest love of all” was evidently the drugs that, no doubt, killed her.

** Thank you, sweet baby Jesus, that not all smoke alarm batteries go out at 3 AM.

** Good hair days typically only happen when you aren’t planning to actually leave your house.

** The Girl Scouts should really figure out how to direct ship all those damn cookies.

** Accidentally drooling on yourself in public is a good way to get people to stop talking to you.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

<< WHAT DID YOU LEARN THIS WEEK???? >>

 

 

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2 Responses to Things I’ve Learned This Week

  1. I am seriously considering sending myself a cookie bouquet. Those cookies are the buttery best!!

  2. Real Dad says:

    I learned that I wasn’t the only one this week with breath that can peel wallpaper

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