The older I get, the more I realize that New Year’s Eve is totally overrated. I mean, seriously, what’s the point of getting all dolled up to spend a shit-ton of money to fight a bunch of annoying crowds to risk being hit by a drunk driver and to then be disappointed that the night wasn’t nearly as fabulous as you’d hoped it would be? That’s why my husband and I made the executive decision many moons ago to just stay home and have our own little family party to ring in the new year.
A big part of that annual New Year’s tradition has become our crazy family photo shoot in which every member of the Nucking Futs household gathers together in front of our sloppily colored Happy New Year banner. We’re talkin’ fish, dogs and people alike. And this year, we even had to add the damn guinea pig to the mix.
My husband always piles books upon books onto a bar stool to get just the right angle before he sets the automatic timer on the camera. He then has to bust a move to get into his proper position before the picture is snapped. Naturally, this ends up taking multiple tries before success is reached with everyone’s heads accounted for and nobody’s eyes closed. This year, however, we had a very unexpected interruption in the photo-taking process. Yep, leave it to Goatdog to be the one to put a kink in the creative flow of fun.
We were on about “Take #9” when things went straight to hell in a handbasket. My legs were going numb from holding Goatdog’s fifty pound ass on my lap for so long, and my husband had just wriggled his way in between my son and my daughter after setting the timer yet again. And then suddenly, just before the flash went off, Goatdog lunged straight at the guinea pig, snapping at his furry little head. You can probably just imagine all the screaming and utter chaos that ensued.
The pig was shaking like a leaf, my daughter was bawling hysterically, and my husband was yelling as he tried to keep Goatdog at bay. (Do you see now why we never get professional family photos?) Miraculously, we were somehow able to get everyone to calm down long enough to get back into place and take a relatively decent picture. It certainly wasn’t easy, but we managed to ring in the new year with all family members alive and accounted for. Here’s to a great 2012, y’all!