The Day My Daughter Spared WAY More Than A Square

You know you’re up a shit creek when your kid comes out of a public bathroom after ten LONG minutes and says, “Uh, can you come in here and help me, Mama?”  You might as well just take a deep breath, roll up your sleeves, and prepare for the worst.  I speak from experience because I dealt with this very same scenario over the weekend when I secured my status as the most unwelcome customer to ever return to a certain unnamed BBQ joint.

We had just finished our lunch at one of my favorite local eateries when my daughter announced that she needed to use the bathroom.  And since she recently declared her eight-year-old independence, I sent her into the single-person facility at the restaurant all by her big, bad self.  But when she hadn’t come out after several minutes, I got concerned and decided to stand right outside the door.  She assured me that everything was “o.k.” when I knocked, but my gut feared otherwise.

Five minutes later, a distraught little head peeked out from behind the door seeking my motherly assistance.  (Little did I know that what she REALLY needed was a damn plumber!)  I entered to find a VERY full toilet that was on the verge of eruption.  Yes, despite the fact that the shitter ALREADY had a huge wad of toilet paper in it when she first sat down, my oblivious little descendant proceeded to drop her own load of Lincoln Logs onto the growing pile of waste.  Fabulous.  I surveyed my options and realized that I had no other choice but to say a little prayer as I tried to flush it all down.

Surprisingly, most of it actually did disappear.  And for an itty bitty split second, I thought we might be in the clear.  But my optimism quickly faded as I saw the bowl suddenly rise to the top once again.  Water began to ooze out the sides of the seat and onto the floor, and I knew that we needed to get the hell out of there fast.  It’s one thing when your own toilet overflows, but it’s a whole other level of gross when it’s a public loo.

We raced out the door with the ick water right on our heels to find an older lady waiting rather impatiently for her turn.  I had to explain the situation three freaking times before I finally convinced her to use the men’s.  And as much as I wanted to avert all eye contact and sprint like a cheetah right outta there, I did take the time to alert the manager to the shit storm that was taking place in the women’s bathroom.  She didn’t say it in so many words, but I’m pretty sure I’m on their eternal blackballed list from now on.  So I suppose I need to start looking for a new BBQ place to frequent (preferably one that has a plumber on stand-by….)

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8 Responses to The Day My Daughter Spared WAY More Than A Square

  1. Mama Bub says:

    First of all, a restaurant with only ONE woman’s bathroom is asking for trouble. Secondly, you’re surely not the first person that this has happened to. Third – most people would have just abandoned ship and not said anything. You get bonus points for telling the manager what had happened.

  2. April says:

    2nd what Mama Bub said. Good for you for not just bailing.

  3. I am sorry for what you had to go through but you told the story perfectly 🙂 I am going to post a link to that in my blog and share it on fb with my BBQ friends 🙂

  4. Ally says:

    Why oh why can’t kids save that for home?
    Yeah, you get gold stars for telling the manager. I guarantee it wasn’t the first time, nor will it be the last.

  5. Julieb says:


  6. John says:

    Oh, this brings back bad memories of my days working in a Dunkin’ Donuts . . .

  7. Grammy says:

    I once went to the kiddie pool with a friend and her toddler. The toddler pooped in the pool. Children cried “ewwwww”, parents jerked said children from the water with a look of disdain and disgust and my friend calmly packed up her little culprit and left with pool without a backwards glance…..I skulked away muttering “sorry, sorry, sorry, not my kid, sorry sorry sorrrrrrrrry”

  8. Oh man, that’s the worst feeling to watch that water rising back up and seeping over the top…and to have that happen in public — oy! This had me laughing, thanks! (and huge kudos for telling the manager!)

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