Where The Eff Are You, Clyde?

WARNING: ** Look away if you don’t like an occasional f-bomb every now and then.  Cause in this case?  It just couldn’t be helped.  (Sorry, Mom and Dad….) **

Every year our “Elf on the Shelf” tradition brings me a combination of both nail-biting stress and pure giddy joy.  I absolutely LOVE the excitement that he brings my kids, but the pressure to remember to hide that damn thing every night is like having to be the Tooth Fairy 24 straight nights in a row.  I am forced to rely on my miserable, failing memory for three long weeks.  And given that this may very well be the last year that my kids fully believe in the magic of Christmas, you can probably understand why I woke up my husband at midnight on November 30 to announce, “We’ve lost the mother fucking Elf on the Shelf!!!!

You see, our elf, Clyde, comes to stay with our family on the first of December each year to keep a watchful eye over who’s being naughty and who’s being nice.  My kids have come to expect his prompt arrival, which is why I flat-out panicked when I couldn’t find him among all the Christmas decorations on the last day of November.  I literally tore apart the attic, basement and every single closet in the house in a desperate attempt to hunt down the miniature bastard.  (Did I mention that this all went down at midnight, by the way?)

My search was, unfortunately, not at all successful.  I went to bed that night with a pit in my stomach as I prayed to sweet baby Jesus that my kids would somehow forget to check the calendar the following morning.  Lucky for me, Clyde was surprisingly not a hot topic of conversation at breakfast time.  I was filled with relief at the promise of being able to race out that afternoon and purchase a brand new Elf on the Shelf.

And sure enough, wouldn’t you know that I found the original little fucker three days later jammed into a box of Halloween crap??!!  Figures!  At any rate though, the “magic” is still good and alive in my house (*Phew!*), and the new and improved Clyde would like to make a very special announcement right here on my blog.  I give to you the two winners of my iTunes gift card giveaway contest:

If you happen to be one of these two AWESOME people, please send me your home address so I can mail your prize to you.  And thanks to everybody who took the time to enter — Clyde and I are totally raising our wine glasses in your honor!  🙂




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7 Responses to Where The Eff Are You, Clyde?

  1. Mrs_Jennyk says:

    Love the elf on a shelf idea! Never heard of it until you. Maybe it’s a popular thing because it seems like there is a movie by that name coming out. Maybe we’ll start that tradition next year, when the twins will be a year and a half old. Or not. That’s crazy talk. Why would I add to my holiday stress???

  2. Well…. now that you’ve found the original one, four eyes are better than two?

  3. AngryWorkingMom says:

    I feel your pain!!! I have used the “tooth fairy” scenario myself this year. Sometimes I think wow this is awesome (Christmas memories and all) but 1/2 the time I am cursing getting out of bed at 1AM to move the damn elf . I mean my kids adore it..I have to get craftier and craftier because we have to out do last week, last year…HOLY SHIT this is exhausting. But it does keep my 8 yo (who is I’m sure teetering on this whole fat guy in a suit thing) believing in the magic. I was late to work today making a ridiculous snack that the elf left for her so that when we walk in the house it’s there….from the elf.

    Man, I love Christmas!

    • nuckingfutsmama says:

      Hee hee! I was totally giggling in agreement with you as I read your comment. ‘Tis the season to be stressed out like a hooker in a church…… 😉

  4. Ally says:

    I’m so glad I didn’t know anything of “Elf On A Shelf” when my son was younger! (17 is too old, RIGHT?!) I would crumble under the pressure, I just know it.

  5. John says:

    I love that at a blog titled “Nucking Futs Mama,” you had to put a disclaimer about using the word “fuck.”

    I really wonder what my mother thinks after some of my posts . . . I think I used “fuck” over two-dozen times in a post . . . nevermind my posts entirely about boobs. What cracks me up, though, is that my aunt is one of my most-regular commenters.

    Anywho, glad you found the little guy . . . I can’t wait until the kids actually start “getting” Bo, our elf.

  6. K.C. Procter says:

    Haha! A few well placed F-bombs are appreciated and never offend. You’re a great mom for wanting to preserve the magic for your kids and keep up with sometimes silly traditions.

    My son is 10 this year and we’re hoping the magic lasts for him through this season as he’ll inevitably figure it out before he turns 11. Our 4 yo has plenty of time. 🙂

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