You know how when you first got married, you loved to be all close to your other half even when you slept? Remember how you used to snuggle up as close as humanly possible and wedge together like it was your one and only purpose in this life? And then, suddenly, one night, you woke up in the wee wee hours of the morning and realized that holy crap, you were sweating bullets and freaking miserable as hell? Yeah, that’s right, my friends, I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news for those of you still holding out hope, but spooning is just for newlyweds (or perhaps just very, very cold people).
After fifteen years of marriage, I can honestly tell you that I, personally, like to be left to my own side of the bed whenever it’s time for me to catch some zzz’s. And if I could, I’d probably even draw an imaginary line right down the center of it to declare my rightful space. You see, my husband, God love him, is as hot as Freddy Krueger’s boiler room when he crawls under those sheets at night. I swear his body temperature must rise a good forty or fifty degrees while he snoozes. Combine that with my own ever-changing hormones, and you could probably fry yourself up an egg or two on our damn duvet cover. That is why I always set our bedroom thermostat to 67 degrees (even in the winter) and turn the ceiling fan on medium. Heat and slumber are two things that just do not mix for this girl right here.
Sure, this whole spooning thing used to be cute and all back in the day, but my sleep is much more important to me now than it used to be. Hell, there are only about six total hours in the day when there isn’t someone in my house trying to smother me in some way, shape or form. So let’s just keep the silverware talk in the kitchen please (unless we’re talking about forking, that is…..)