Spooning Is For Newlyweds

You know how when you first got married, you loved to be all close to your other half even when you slept?  Remember how you used to snuggle up as close as humanly possible and wedge together like it was your one and only purpose in this life?  And then, suddenly, one night, you woke up in the wee wee hours of the morning and realized that holy crap, you were sweating bullets and freaking miserable as hell?  Yeah, that’s right, my friends, I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news for those of you still holding out hope, but spooning is just for newlyweds (or perhaps just very, very cold people).

After fifteen years of marriage, I can honestly tell you that I, personally, like to be left to my own side of the bed whenever it’s time for me to catch some zzz’s.  And if I could, I’d probably even draw an imaginary line right down the center of it to declare my rightful space.  You see, my husband, God love him, is as hot as Freddy Krueger’s boiler room when he crawls under those sheets at night.  I swear his body temperature must rise a good forty or fifty degrees while he snoozes.  Combine that with my own ever-changing hormones, and you could probably fry yourself up an egg or two on our damn duvet cover.  That is why I always set our bedroom thermostat to 67 degrees (even in the winter) and turn the ceiling fan on medium.  Heat and slumber are two things that just do not mix for this girl right here.

Sure, this whole spooning thing used to be cute and all back in the day, but my sleep is much more important to me now than it used to be.  Hell, there are only about six total hours in the day when there isn’t someone in my house trying to smother me in some way, shape or form.  So let’s just keep the silverware talk in the kitchen please (unless we’re talking about forking, that is…..)

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11 Responses to Spooning Is For Newlyweds

  1. Too true. As my wife puts it: “I got to bed to SLEEP. If we want to cuddle, let’s do it when we’re awake and can enjoy it.”

    Love your blog!

  2. Michele O says:

    lol. i remember those times. it will change back when the kids are older and your hormones calm down.

  3. Karen Maeby says:

    We’re kinda still newlyweds but MY (our?) definition of spooning is… crawling up next to husband to get my ice cold feet warm so I can fall asleep. Ha. And if that doesn’t work, I have to put on my emergency socks.

  4. amber says:

    13 years in, I gotta say, you’re right! We never cuddle anymore under the covers. I need to be able to flail.

  5. So very true! Long gone are the days of spooning in my bed too. I need my sleep!

  6. Ally says:

    We keep the house at 64 at night and my husband is still a heater when he sleeps! We spoon for approximately 2.2 minutes before sweat overcomes us both and I send him to his side of the invisible line.

  7. Bea says:

    He is always cold so he uses a down comforter, while I only use a sheet, so we both stick to our respective ends of the bed.

  8. crackedmum says:

    Amen to that. Plus I think we need to consider having our own blankets in the bed. I’m tired of having to roll him over while wrestling the blanket back in the middle of the night! And we’re only 6 years in.

  9. Nolie says:

    There is a reason I have a king size bed and prefer to rent hotel rooms with king size bed. I have also been known when at a hotel that had 2 beds that were not king size to ordering a cot for my son and then sleeping in one bed while making Tobei sleep in the other. I can not sleep if he is touching me. I like my space at night.

  10. Eryn says:

    I know this is totally weird, but 11 years in & we still fall asleep spooned.

    To totally gross everyone out, sometimes we wake up holding hands.

    But in the summer, you’ll find us saying things like “I want to have sex with you, but I don’t want you to touch me.” We really need air conditioning.

    • nuckingfutsmama says:

      I don’t think that’s weird — I think it’s sweet! Different strokes for different folks — that’s what makes the world go round! 🙂

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