It’s kinda hard to believe, but the Nucking Futs clan has never ever had a professional family photo taken. Sure, we’ve had the kids photographed out the yin yang but never with my husband and me. So this past weekend, we decided to take advantage of the unbelievably gorgeous fall weather and round up our crew for a picture at the beach.
Given that preparedness is not really our strong suit, we were naturally not the least bit organized for such a historic event. In fact, the only one of us who was even slightly camera ready was Goatdog, who had been at the groomer’s last week getting beautified. The rest of us, though, didn’t even have coordinating attire, which we unfortunately discovered THE MORNING OF THE PHOTO SHOOT. (Did I mention we’re an unprepared bunch?)
So I sent my husband out to bang on the doors of the Gap so they’d open promptly at 11:00 AM as advertised. His mission was to find three plain white shirts for my son, my daughter and for him. Seriously, how hard could that be, right? He was able to find a shirt for himself, but evidently, there wasn’t a single white shirt to be found in the kids’ section, forcing him to purchase a men’s small and a women’s x-small for the twinkies.
When my kids came into my bathroom to show me their outfits, I nearly burst into tears. The shirts were so ridiculously ginormous on them that it looked like they were being swallowed alive. Honestly, I think the two of them could’ve fit into one shirt together. Believe you me, there was a whole lot of bunching and scrunching and tucking to get all that extra fabric shoved into their khaki shorts. Finally, though, we were all dressed and almost ready to go. And that’s when all hell broke loose….
I’m not exactly sure what prompted it (nor do I really give a shit), but somebody started shoving, and the next thing we knew, there was a sibling wrestling match going on in our kitchen. Screaming and crying ensued, and my daughter’s face and hair were soon covered in snot, the perfect touch for our family photo op, don’t ya think? I was so ready to call the whole thing off as I shouted, “This is gonna be the fakest picture ever!!!!”
Nevertheless, though, we eventually loaded everyone in the car and made our way over to the beach. And surprisingly, the calmness and the beauty of Lake Michigan helped to ease the massive tension that had previously been in the air. It was a quick kind of “wham, bam, thank you ma’am” experience, but I truly think we were successful in capturing at least one good shot of our family. And if not, then we’ll remember why we never did a freaking family photo all these years….