** Kids pick the most awesomely inopportune times to take a dump.
** Summer = an impromptu game of kick-the-can on a random Monday night.
** Goatdog is about to become a street dog.
** I wouldn’t do well in that Little House on the Prairie.
** If Tuesday and Wednesday had a Facebook page, I would NOT click the “Like” button.
** Dealing with a moronic pharmacy tech is about as much fun as a pap smear with a hot poker.
** School starts in T minus 648 hours — uh, not that I’m counting or anything.
** Hard-boiled eggs make your whole house smell like farts.
** I really REALLY want a hammock. (Hint, hint…..)
** My to-do list is reproducing more than the Duggar family.
** Taking your kids to the grocery store is like taking a junkie to a crack den.
** Someone evidently stole my happy place.
** Nobody likes a know-it-all.
** There’s nothing sexier than watching your husband empty the dishwasher completely unprompted.
** As you get older, surprises are usually of the unwanted kind (e.g., a 3 a.m. bed changing).
** Bare skin and hot ovens do not mix.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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