** Cruise control scares the shit out of me.
** When you travel with kids, it’s a trip. When you travel without them, it’s a vacation.
** 99.9% of the water at water parks is a combination of urine and ick. Probably.
** Trying to get your kids to sleep at a water park is like trying to get a nun to pole dance.
** I am not a water park lover.
** Wet soccer cleats smell like cat piss.
** Mother Nature could use a Valium.
** It’s much easier to open a bottle of wine when you have a bottle opener.
** My key chain needs a bottle opener.
** @marymac is even cooler in person than she is online.
** There are actually vending machines that take credit cards! Who knew??!!
** Bad cell phone reception makes me homicidal.
** So does a snoring husband.
** Bras aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.
** The “off” switch on my children seems to be broken.
** I could open up a damn petting zoo with all the pets we now own.
** If you pee, they will come.
** Kids would rather decorate with toothpaste than brush with it.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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