Things I’ve Learned This Week

** Cruise control scares the shit out of me.

** When you travel with kids, it’s a trip.  When you travel without them, it’s a vacation.

** 99.9% of the water at water parks is a combination of urine and ick.  Probably.

** Trying to get your kids to sleep at a water park is like trying to get a nun to pole dance.

** I am not a water park lover.

** Wet soccer cleats smell like cat piss.

** Mother Nature could use a Valium.

** It’s much easier to open a bottle of wine when you have a bottle opener.

** My key chain needs a bottle opener.

** @marymac is even cooler in person than she is online.

** There are actually vending machines that take credit cards!  Who knew??!!

** Bad cell phone reception makes me homicidal.

** So does a snoring husband.

** Bras aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.

** The “off” switch on my children seems to be broken.

** I could open up a damn petting zoo with all the pets we now own.

** If you pee, they will come.

** Kids would rather decorate with toothpaste than brush with it.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

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11 Responses to Things I’ve Learned This Week

  1. AndyinUtah says:

    haha great week for you. Love your posts, too funny! I also appreciate your scientific research on the water at water parks, since I’m going to one today (oh no!).

  2. Vinobaby says:

    Wow–you had a busy week. Learned the wine bottle opener the hard way as well while on a trip. Now I never travel without my Swiss Army Knife, which has a perfect corkscrew. And if you ever want swimsuits to disintegrate, wear them to a water park. The amount of chlorine in the h2o (to go against all the “piss and ick”) is insane.

    Cheers. VB

  3. OK, so my kids are not the only ones who think toothpaste is something to decorate the bathroom sink, counter, floor, walls, and towels with. Nice.

    I met marymac last year for a brief moment at BlogHer. She is so nice!

    I learned that going to the zoo, although in theory sounds fun, was nothing short of an all day boot cam, between walking miles and hauling heaving wagons and the zillion bathrooms trips my daughter needed to take.

  4. 4thFrog says:

    You may have ruined water parks for me forever. Ewww…

    What I learned this week? That the older we get, the more we become like our parents, whether we like it or not.

  5. Marta says:

    What I learned today: If you’re not expecting to and aren’t dressed for it, you will inevitably run into someone you were hopnig never to see agian.

  6. What have I learnt this week (or last week)?
    That I am almost 100% sure my twin toddlers are conspiring to send me to the nut house!
    Other than that, your pic above probably describeds my state of mind as of late. Sigh…

  7. Dolli says:

    The mute button on my kids is broken. It’s to the point that they sound like Charlie Brown’s teacher: wha wha wha wha wha…..

  8. marymac says:

    And what *I* learned this week? Besides the pee in the water park thing? That you are fanfuckingtabulous and I heart you as more than a friend but less than a leave-our-husbands lesbian. You rock! xoxoxo

  9. JR Reed says:

    I feel like I learn from you every Friday. Thanks for learning shit and passing it on to the rest of us!

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