** Motherhood = taking your first shower of the day at midnight (IF you’re lucky….)
** Tornado warnings surprisingly do not freak out my kids.
** Although it’s been hazy, there’s definitely been nothing lazy about summer so far.
** No good can come from a group of second graders with a hose.
** Nobody ever needs me till I sit down to pee or pick up the phone.
** The dog is an even bigger asshole this week than he was last week.
** If I’m a “gay, a granny, or a grande”, I apparently shouldn’t fly Southwest Airlines.
** I’m just a mini bar and a pillow away from living in my car.
** Bad things really need to stop happening to good people.
** It’s better to pick up the dog poop from the backyard before sending the kids out to play there.
** My purse weighed a hundred pounds because someone evidently put a ginormous rock in it.
** Siblings fight WAY more during summer break.
** The never-ending questions are starting to haunt me in my sleep.
** 99.9% of the words coming out of my mouth fall on deaf ears.
** Like the Kardashians, mosquitoes are trying to take over the world.
** Completing an entire thought around here is about as likely as catching up on all the laundry.
** Snoring is not an endearing quality. Ever.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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