Things I’ve Learned This Week

** Motherhood = taking your first shower of the day at midnight (IF you’re lucky….)

** Tornado warnings surprisingly do not freak out my kids.

** Although it’s been hazy, there’s definitely been nothing lazy about summer so far.

** No good can come from a group of second graders with a hose.

** Nobody ever needs me till I sit down to pee or pick up the phone.

** The dog is an even bigger asshole this week than he was last week.

** If I’m a “gay, a granny, or a grande”, I apparently shouldn’t fly Southwest Airlines.

** I’m just a mini bar and a pillow away from living in my car.

** Bad things really need to stop happening to good people.

** It’s better to pick up the dog poop from the backyard before sending the kids out to play there.

** My purse weighed a hundred pounds because someone evidently put a ginormous rock in it.

** Siblings fight WAY more during summer break.

** The never-ending questions are starting to haunt me in my sleep.

** 99.9% of the words coming out of my mouth fall on deaf ears.

** Like the Kardashians, mosquitoes are trying to take over the world.

** Completing an entire thought around here is about as likely as catching up on all the laundry.

** Snoring is not an endearing quality. Ever.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.


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9 Responses to Things I’ve Learned This Week

  1. MamaBennie says:

    Let’s see, this week I have learned
    -My huz can spend an iTunes gift card in .5 seconds
    -my kids are trying to either kill me or put me in a straight jacket
    -some people can really suck
    -the neighbor’s little dog is going to become a football if they don’t keep it on a leash. Nipping at me and my kids is not cool.

  2. Cdngirl2 says:

    Love it…can I just say “ditto” for me and what I’ve learned this week…craziness! Only diff. Is that summer vacay hasn’t started here yet.

  3. Angie says:

    I’ve learned that I am capable of showering AND shaving my legs with a toddler in tow…although it will NEVER be by choice. I’ve also learned that there is no grocery fairy and if my family wants to eat this weekend I better get my ass to the store.
    Happy Weekend!

  4. Anne says:

    Ok I’m stealing this from my wise and funny friend @notthemama3… *if I could really LMAO, I’d be eating way more chocolate cake!!!!!
    *kid’s will get sick at the most inappropriate times i.e. Christmas morning or the big trip to Disney.. yes diarrhea at Disney is not pretty for the Princesses!

  5. It is in fact possible to survive on less sleep than I’d ever imagined pre kids. It’s not pretty, and I’m mainlining coffee. But it’s possible.

  6. Nothing has been lazy about the summer so far. I just wrote a whole post about how feel like a damn cruise director.

    Which leads me to the minibar and pillow comment. I feel the same way!

  7. John says:

    The other day, I was out in my back yard, marveling at how few mosquitoes I was dealing with, despite the fact that I have a pond in my yard. And then I saw a bat . . . and then a few days ago, I found the bat house.

    Bats are awesome mosquito fighters.

  8. I have learned that there isn’t enough Sangria in the world for Mama that makes two bored little girl’s fighting go away.

    Love your blog by the way!!

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