Driving Me Crazy

As my kids have gotten older, road trips have definitely become much easier (minus, of course, the occasional motion sickness puke).  Thank God, I no longer have to change shitty diapers in the backseat or figure out how to keep bottles from going bad.  Finally, at long last, the kids can feed themselves and keep their eyes out for the nearest bathroom exit.  However, with age, unfortunately, comes awareness.  And I now have to endure the wrath of two children who understand the words to WAY too many songs and who’ve become the all-time champs of backseat driving.

You can probably understand why I nearly drove into a ditch when I heard my eight-year-old son singing along happily with Rihanna, “Sex in the air, I don’t care; I love the smell of it.”  Yeah, thanks for that, RiRi.  I’m sure his camp counselors this summer will get a HUGE kick out of that.  And I thoroughly enjoyed explaining why it’s not appropriate for a little boy to be singing about how much he loves sex, all while barreling down the highway at 75 miles per hour in the family truckster.  And the fun didn’t just stop at that one song either.  Turns out that both of my kids know the lyrics to nearly every inappropriate song that’s played on the radio.  Awesome!  Where’s the damn Disney station when you need it??!!

And if their cringe-worthy karoake-ing wasn’t bad enough, I also had the pleasure of not one but TWO backseat drivers for the entire duration of the trip.  Let me just tell ya how swell it is when you’ve got a little head peering over your shoulder for SIX FRIGGIN’ HOURS telling you when you go even one mile over the speed limit or when you accidentally forget to signal.  It’s also a roarin’ good time when someone who can’t even ride her bike in a straight line is telling you when you should and shouldn’t pass other cars.

I suppose though that despite the annoying atmosphere inside the car, I should be grateful that for once, I didn’t have to scoop out vomit from the floor boards.  I’d much rather have someone bee-bopping to tales of S&M while telling me how to drive than to have the stench of gut soup in my nose for hours on end.  Little things really do mean a lot, ya know.

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8 Responses to Driving Me Crazy

  1. MamaBennie says:

    Gut soup…BAHAHAHA. Thankfully I have never had these experiences as of yet.

  2. Now that I have a tee (who will soon be driving) I have to hear about all the rules of the road and why I did this or that wrong and how I woud fail….

    and I am all like ummm son I already have my license so SHUT UP!

    Fun times for sure!

  3. ha! Lemme tell you, I completely understand what you’re saying about Rhianna’s song. My 9 yr old asked me what “stick and stones may break my bones but chains and whips excite me” meant. Fun times.

  4. Ugh…I’m ALL TOO familiar with gut soup, as I have three car sicklies. I hate road trips.

    Also? That song? Come on, Rihanna. I’m 30 and I don’t even like to listen to it. And I’m all about the pop music in the car.

  5. Hahaha! I remember driving in the car with my husband and 9 month old daughter and I finally decided to pay attention to the words. Did she just say “whips and chains excite me”??? I thought about my daughter thinking she’s going to like these songs someday… First things first, the hubby and I need to censor our own trucker mouths first. A friend recently told me about his son who couldn’t get a bag closed said “F*@king zipper”. Thanks to all you parents who did it before me for the constant reminders and wake up calls of what’s to come! 🙂

  6. Ally says:

    “than to have the stench of gut soup in my nose for hours on end” – ROFL – I’ve so been there.

    I think back to the songs I used to sing along with when I was a kid – and had no idea what I was singing! Ack!

  7. Grusha says:

    Thanks for sharing this 🙂 glad to have graduated from cleaning throw-up and poop… So far our boys haven’t sung any ear piercing songs that I know of.. Still have to deal with their overly noisy chatter and fighting in the car bit everytime 🙂

  8. These are the days that I dread. For now, I will stick with the poopy diapers and trying to dole out fruit snacks while driving! HA!

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