** If it’s breakable, there’s a damn good chance that I’m gonna drop it.
** The autocorrect on my iPhone clearly does not know me by now.
** Kim Kardashian’s engagement ring is almost as big as her ass.
** I could make peanut butter & jelly sandwiches in my sleep.
** Vacuuming without a bra is definitely the way to go.
** I really need to learn Korean.
** An overflowing sink of dirty dishes means absolutely nothing if you have a penis.
** It is never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever going to be warm here again.
** Cupcake-flavored gelato is nothing short of orgasmic. Trust me on this.
** My kids have more cash than I do.
** Someone’s been eating popcorn in the closet.
** I will do just about anything to get out of unclogging a stopped-up toilet.
** M&M’s last about as long in this house as a teenage boy with a hooker.
** I cannot remember the last non-animated film I saw at an actual theater.
** My kids are gonna kill each other as soon as summer break begins.
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
<< SO TELL ME SOMETHING YOU LEARNED THIS WEEK BY LEAVING A COMMENT BELOW!!!! >>