Things I’ve Learned This Week

** If it’s breakable, there’s a damn good chance that I’m gonna drop it.

** The autocorrect on my iPhone clearly does not know me by now.

** Kim Kardashian’s engagement ring is almost as big as her ass.

** I could make peanut butter & jelly sandwiches in my sleep.

** Vacuuming without a bra is definitely the way to go.

** I really need to learn Korean.

** An overflowing sink of dirty dishes means absolutely nothing if you have a penis.

** It is never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever going to be warm here again.

** Cupcake-flavored gelato is nothing short of orgasmic.  Trust me on this.

** My kids have more cash than I do.

** Someone’s been eating popcorn in the closet.

** I will do just about anything to get out of unclogging a stopped-up toilet.

** M&M’s last about as long in this house as a teenage boy with a hooker.

** I cannot remember the last non-animated film I saw at an actual theater.

** My kids are gonna kill each other as soon as summer break begins.

** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.

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21 Responses to Things I’ve Learned This Week

  1. Bart says:

    You are hilarious! And I didn’t realize Kim’s ring was that BIG.

    • nuckingfutsmama says:

      Bart-
      Her ring is supposedly 20.5 carats! So I’m assuming it weighs almost as much as her booty.

  2. We talked about the Men ar Fuckers via Twitter. And that was hilarious. :)
    Also, my iPhone? Thinks I should send him to “he’ll” instead of “hell”. So, yeah, I getcha there too.

  3. Grusha says:

    I super agree with 7th and 10th items on your list.. Hahaha :-)

    Well … this week, I learned that my husband isn’t really a fan of the sheer fine-net-type underwear I love… which is so comfy by the way… Hahaha:-) thought it turned him on… Apparently not :-) now i know :-)

  4. I loved it! Anyone who can come up with the teenager/hooker/M&Ms quip is effing awesome in my book

  5. Vinobaby says:

    Where, oh where do you buy cupcake gelato? I could get rid of my husband if I could just have that. Sounds HEAVENLY!

    Cheers. VB

    • nuckingfutsmama says:

      It was seriously to die for! I wanted to eat the entire container of it. I found it at this little local gelato place here near my house.

  6. OMG I totally could have written this same post…Love it!

    Oh and I am so gunna try that Cupcake Gelato!

  7. Hey… I resemble at least one of those remarks! Cute post, Jennifer!

  8. This week I learned that summer vacation might take my sanity, but I have a lot more computer time when I don’t have to get my son on or off the bus.

    Also, it’s never going to be warm here either…or dry. Brr.

  9. M&M’s and Reese Cups (of any size) last about 5 minutes in our house. And I don’t remember the last movie that wasn’t made by Pixar or Disney that I saw in theaters either. :)

  10. Amanda says:

    Things I learned this week:
    * Never crouch down in front of the toilet when your 3 year old son, who still sits to pee, is doing his bidness.
    * A baby wipe will take a melted lollipop of the hood of a car
    * Always carry flats in your vehicle; platform wedge sandals don’t quite cut it when you get a last minute invite to a softball game…

  11. Amanda says:

    *That’s OFF the hood of a car. Jeez Louise, and I’m not even typing on my Droid so I can’t blame auto correct. LOL!

  12. Ally says:

    M&M’s, teenage boys & hookers – best line I’ve read today! Not sure where you are, but it will never be warm here again either. I’m shriveling up in the rain and cold.
    I learned that one crazy relative is all it takes to make you appreciate all the others you’ve been taking for granted! :)

  13. Jamie says:

    I’m sitting here slightly sick because of too many M&Ms after lunch. Just a few…turned into just a few too many times. What is it about those things?

  14. Reid Adair says:

    OK, so I couldn’t stop laughing – or continue reading – after the Kim Kardashian engagement ring line.

  15. Mihael says:

    Wait until they hit 14.

  16. S Lee says:

    I have learned that the person who has to give the elephant a suppository has the worst job!

  17. Alex says:

    Cute post.. love the cartoon…

  18. iMentalMommy says:

    I’m pretty sure that penises don’t like laundry either.

  19. Stephania Andrade says:

    I LOL when I read the M&M and hooker line!
    This is a ridiculously awesome post!

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