To me, a good friend is someone who isn’t afraid to call you out when you look like a complete idiot. I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather be told that I’ve got a huge chunk of spinach in my teeth before I walk around like a jackass all day completely oblivious to all the people pointing and laughing at me. Unfortunately, though, not everybody’s got a buddy who’s willing to do something like that. Just ask the poor chick at my gym who was prancing around with toilet paper hangin’ out her drawers last week.
This unfortunate woman had been at the gym for a good forty-five minutes with the unwanted tissue “accessory” dangling over the front of her black workout pants. That white streamer flappin’ in the breeze was like a friggin’ neon sign in Vegas. I honestly don’t know how anyone could have missed it, especially her so-called “friends” who had been yapping with her face-to-face repeatedly throughout her workout.
I felt like it was my God-given duty to inform Miss Thang of the piss-soaked paper that was totally ruining her whole Jane Fonda vibe. But before I could even begin to break the bad news, she got into a ridiculously lengthy convo with one of the trainers, and I couldn’t get a word in edgewise. Each time I thought I could interject, she’d go off on yet another tangent. I had clearly missed my window of opportunity since I had places to go and people to see. Besides, it was actually her “friends” who had REALLY let her down. I don’t think I’d be spilling my innermost secrets to people who can’t even tell me when I’ve inadvertently taken a souvenir from the bathroom.
So, if you happen to be one of my posse, and you’re reading this post, you best be telling me when I get shit stuck where it’s not supposed to be. Stop me mid-sentence or better yet, just pull it out yourself. That’s what friends are for. I got your back — do you have mine????