** Whoever invented “New Math” is an asshole.
** Parents should get a big friggin’ cut of their kid’s lemonade stand profits. Just sayin’.
** It’s Friday the 13th, so I should probably watch out for tall, creepy men wearing hockey masks in the woods.
** My son’s backpack weighs 400 pounds thanks to the ginormous rock collection he’s keeping in there.
** There’s a “Know-It-All Mom” in every single crowd.
** Unfortunately for me, my daughter prefers drama with a side of drama for dinner.
** I should really start collecting all the millions of pounds that my Gmail account keeps telling me I’ve won.
** My second grade son knows more about geography than I do.
** It cost NINETY friggin’ dollars to fill up the tank of my car.
** I need to start saddling up Goatdog for carpooling purposes.
** Mother Nature is evidently menopausal — one minute she’s hot; the next minute she’s cold.
** Every day at 3:15, I become a walking, talking coat rack.
** Broken records have got nothing on me.
** Skinny Girl Margarita? Not a fan. Not at all. In fact, ick.
** Wednesday is a double sports bra day at boot camp. Please remind me of this next week.
** It’s much easier to have a conversation with someone when you know just what the hell he’s talking about.
** I’ve seen one too many skid marks in my time (and I’m not talking about the kind on the road either).
** Despite what I might think, God does not give me more than I can handle.
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